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We don't call Demi Moore a cougar — we just think of her as beautiful, famous, talented, and with good taste. But I don't think that attraction is all about how you look. And if you pick somebody who you feel good with, your friends will be happy for you. You will be around someone who shares your passions, and have a lot to discuss.

Question from Stacy: I was thinking of joining a local art group that meets once a week as a way of meeting someone who shares my interests and is active — not the couch potato type. But just remember if it's a small group, it needs to have new people cycling in, or you won't be able to get any chance at meeting somebody important in your life.

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Question from Lois: What about trips that are only for singles?

PS: I think day trips for singles are a good idea, or maybe even three days.We both are widowed, and we have gone out, but I'm not ready to invite him into my home. Still, there is an arch to relationships: They either get more or less intimate. It hasn't been clear that someone was asking the question about a gay relationship.So if you really like this guy, at some point you should open up more of your world to him. But I think most of the things that apply to heterosexual relationships have resonance with same-sex relationships.Question from Fran in San Fran: You don't mention a lot about homosexuals dating. Of course there are some differences, and I would be sensitive to those differences. Join singles groups that do the activities you love.But just so you know, I was the lead witness against the don't-ask-don't-tell rule in federal court and I testified for gay marriage in Hawaii, and for gay adoption and foster-child placement in Arkansas. Just because you have had some intimate relationships that didn't work out, that doesn't predict the future. If you like to hike, you are likely to meet men who like to hike in a hiking club. That is to say, you are a mature woman and you want to date, so I think you need to talk to your son and tell him that you are going to start dating again. But there is more to love than hair color, and I think people pick who they love on other criteria.